Twins, not for the weak.

No, I'm not having an "oh CRAP!" moment, not at all. In fact, after waiting so long for mommy hood I made a pact with myself that my complaints would be few and far apart. I actually don't have complaints even about the lack of sleep or personal time to, say for instance, BLOG, but it has taken it's toll on me for different reasons. I totally became a hypocrite and started a "mommy blog," you can read it here, but will continue to write here as I feel necessary. My "mommy blog" will serve the purpose of allowing friends and family that actually have an investment or concern in my girls personally or have kids of their own an find an excessive amount of photos of another kid doing the same thing in four different bootleg photoshop vinettes interesting because if they tell you it's great you'll run to their mommy blog and return the favor, and of course those without children that for some reason enjoy following other peoples kids' progress via Blogger or Wordpress (do they exist?) This shall remain my private portal about all things I find interesting or worth complaining about, when the baby Gods allow time for me to do so...

Here's a list...

1) Twins are expensive. I never wanted to spoil my kids and now it seems like I don't have a choice. Between the insurance, food, diapers, lawyer fees, and nanny money is tight.

Hold up.

Wait a minute.

Yes, I said nanny. Not a live in nanny, just a glorified sitter who will watch my girls at my home while I work so I don't have to put together a diaper bag or load them in and out of my car four times a day.

It just dawned on me. I'm Mexican-American with a white nanny! What's this world coming to...

2) I often find myself irritated when I'm constantly asked or urged to stay at home. It's not that I don't see value in staying home with my girls 24 hours, really I do and I see why others do it but it's not for me and here's why...

I LOVED seeing my mother do it all. She worked full time, was and is a great wife and mother, went to all of our school things, kept the house clean, kept us fed with homemade meals daily and looked like a rockstar balancing it all. I want that image for my daughters. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom and I know it's hard work, harder than many jobs (believe me I know, I'm practically a babysitter for 200 middle schoolers) but I want my daughters to see the same way I can do it all, so can they. Plus, there aren't just a ton of people in m family with a college degree, I'm one of the first on both sides and I want to utilize that degree. My job will help me help students who don't have a role model at home like my girls will, it will help me provide for my daughters financially, and it will give me time for me even if it's in a classroom.

I'm annoyed with the topic constantly being brought up and although it can be tempting at times, right now I'm a working gal and I like it. Plus, financially it would be detrimental unless we had a third child but if we had a third child we would probably end up on Chips and stamps and honestly, I know those things are out there for those that need it but well I'm able bodied enough to work so I won't need it thankyouverymuch.

3) My parents were almost killed this week, no exaggeration. Shortly after I left their home with my girls in tow, their kitchen exploded from a sudden gas leak that threw them both back several feet. Dad has severe burns on his arms, hands, and face that are now blistered, red/black/pink/brown spots all over and still in pain. Mom on the other hand only lost a few inches of burnt hair but is suffering the most emotionally and mentally. The majority of the damage was done in the kitchen and parts of the living room so they're living in an extended stay hotel until they decide if they want to even return.

I hope they don't.

I'm sure they will.

4) I'm over Zumba. No I haven't tried it and don't have any intention to (which in saying that means I WILL do it because I tend to get all hypocrite on an issue and do the opposite of what I've said I would, you know, like a mommy blog and watching Avatar)

Seriously though, if I have to see one more commercial or Facebook status about Zumba I'm going to pull my toenails out with pliers go crazy. It's talked about like it's a religion and really it just looks like a bunch of dancing.

5) My mind is currently revolving around all things mommy so I'm going to make that #5. I fear if I write more it'll be all mommy crap and I have to expand outside of that on this blog or I'll totally lose myself in the process. It's going to be a delicate process, not just in blogging aspects which is the last of my concerns, but just holding on to who I am, mommy or not. I know a lot of women struggle with that and I struggled with it as a married woman alone, but now I mom of twins?

I know my time will be limited for "me" time, but I have to stick to it. I won't go to concerts all the time like before, but I'll hit a show here and there. I'll wear more comfortable shoes when carrying around two little kiddos, but my heals won't sit the bench either. Lastly I'll cut back from extra responsibilities but I will remain true to those that help me be the person I know will help me as a mother like being a friend, an artist, and, a blogger :)


I'm a Mommy!

So we are a week into being the proud parents of beautiful twin girls.

Oh. My. Word.

We are in the car on our way to our hometown now to go to their first event, a baby shower! This is the only time I could blog, sitting between two car seats as daddy is searching for Christmas music that isn't depressing and about love lost on Pandora.

Here are my thoughts so far in no particular order:

1) The initial fear has faded some. We've had a great support system living with us at home so I am a bit worried if I can handle this once they're gone. I feel inept at times because this is so new and my husband is much more natural about it. I know it'll take one moment of being alone with both of them crying and I'll feel more confident, well, once they stop screaming.

2) I can't wait to go to the mall, I see it now...
"Are these your girls? Twins? They're beautiful! So tiny!"

"Yes, they're mine! Thank you!"

"You look great for having twins!"

"Thanks! You know I don't have one single stretch mark and my breasts look fabulous still!"

3) On a more serious note, my biggest hurdle is really within. I don't want to be a control freak mama. I'm naturally a control freak so the idea of my girls even being in a room of 60+ people (hello Mexican baby shower) makes me shudder (because of germs, not because they're Mexicans). Send relaxed, stress free thoughts my way!

4) I already get sad knowing they'll grow so fast and they're barely 6 pounds now!

5) The actual exchange with the birth mother actually was beautiful. There wasn't reluctance on her part, some tears, but she stayed strong. I wish I could say the same, I walked into the sanctuary in tears, overwhelming joy and gratitude. I embraced the birthmother before I ever looked at my daughters. She handed one to me, and our mediator and pastor handed the other to my husband. We talked briefly, prayed and even took photos for the girls when they get older. After the birth mom left, we changed the girls, and our families came over to meet them. We took lots of photos that I'll share on...

6) a mommy blog. Yes. I know I've criticized the mommy blog before. This is my moment of irony and I don't care. I'm keeping this blog fairly baby free and will create an additional blog just about my adventures raising twins. I'll advertise that blog here but probably won't advertise this blog there because I'm a freak like that who doesn't particularly care for people I know reading this.

That's it for now. I see a nap in my future.

*I'm also not editing this because...I'm sleepy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Mommyhood Coming To A Blogger Near You?

Could it be?

It seems so.

Tomorrow a young mother is scheduled to sign her rights away at my lawyers office. Saturday at 10 a.m. we are scheduled to pick up twin 1 month old girls who we will name Mila and Lola. The adoption process then takes place but they will be in our custody right away.

I am over the moon. I am scared. I'm excited. I feel way too unworthy.

I've lost so much sleep, but last night I slept and dreamed of my girls. When I woke up, it's like I almost felt their presence in our home. For a second I thought maybe I had already had them. Today I cried at the mere thought of them.

God remembered me, He never forgot, and He was waiting until this good and perfect time to give us our children.

I didn't want to blog until I had them, but I've had an overwhelming sense of emotion and such a small window of time to process this that I HAD to write to let some things out and use this blog for what I originally intended.

I am so ready yet so unprepared for this next step in our lives.

Wish us luck!


Annoying People on Facebook

This one has been a long time coming. Please indulge while I share my issues with some of the people I call "friend" on Facebook. It would be much easier to just delete them but this day in age removing someone from your friends list is just as bad punching them in the junk, plus, it's not as fun if I can't make fun of them on my crappy little blog I don't share with anyone other then a bunch of strangers, right?

Here we go, feel free to add anyone I may have missed...

The "I'm So Lost in Life" FaceBooker
This person is a hot mess and doesn't care who knows. They're depression is so annoying at times you feel bad for almost wanting to say yeah, jump.

The "I love him, oh wait, I HATE him" FaceBooker
This person shares entirely way too much about their personal life especially when it comes to the areas of the heart. The make up and break up more than you change your under ware.

The "You Wanna Piece of Me?" Facebooker
This person likes to fight and although claims will "slapaho" in person but actually never does. They are always looking for reasons to feel "wronged" via status update, wall post, and comment. They like the word "haters."

The "Im So Cool and Indie and You're Not" FaceBooker
These hipsters posts links of indie group videos and Urban Outfitter fashions when they're not quoting someone who died 70 years ago. They would like you to think they have depth. Oh, and they also all have a passion for photography, the 40's-60's, vintage clothes, Phish, and artsy fartsy self portraits where they are facing the camera but looking elsewhere. They spend $60 on a white v-neck from American Apparel but will have you convinced it's vintage.

The "Da, Dat, Wat, Whut" FaceBooker
This person knows the English language but decides to massacre it daily with their ridiculous pronunciations and misspelling.

The "My Life is SO Perfect and My Kids Are The MOST Adorable Things EVER! You Agree Right?? Right??" FaceBooker
This person updates in extreme detail of their family adventures. They post pictures from every trip to the petting zoo and make sure everyone around them knows life is just peachy. Their husband is the best daddy ever and their kids just love each other so much but we all know if that was true they wouldn't try so hard to prove it to everyone else.

The "I'm Going to Post 10 Music Videos in One Hour" FaceBooker
This person is the reason you filter your News Feed. They either post electronic dance music that ALL sounds the same or they go from Texas Country to 90's West Coast rap in less than 6 minutes.

The "Gamer" Facebooker
This person sends Farmville requests daily and shamelessly ask people if anyone can water their farm or whatever via Status Update. These are people you cannot hang out with in real life.

The "Can You Read Through My Subliminal Messages?" FaceBooker
This person wants you to ask what they're talking about. They want you to be interested yet they don't want to show all of their cards thinking this makes them dark and mysterious.

The "Here Are 12 More Pouty Lip/Fish Face Photos of Me From Above Looking Down" FaceBooker
These are usually girls who love 6 pictures in a row of themselves in the same pose. They try to get all artsy on you through putting it through some crap Paint program so you can see the same freakin' picture in shades of blue, green and pink.

The "Quoter" FaceBooker
This person has nothing intelligent to offer so they just use someone else's words. In all actuality if they didn't master the art of "Copy/Paste" they would probably misspell a few of the words they're quoting.

The "Dear" Person
This person likes to write to inanimate objects via Status Update. "Dear Microwave, today was a very bad day to break.."

Who did I miss...?

Home at the lake...

So I may have mentioned before that I grew up by a lake in West Texas. Naturally there aren't many lakes in Texas although many medium to large sized towns in Texas can boast of a lake but really there is only one natural lake in Texas and even that one has been altered, Lake Caddo if you must know. The rest are all man made lakes.

There isn't much to do while living by the lake unless you really enjoy fresh water fishing which I did as a child. When I wasn't fishing I spent most of my childhood walking by the water, skipping rocks, investigating every path and tree top and collecting rocks which doesn't seem particularly fun unless, of course, you are a child.

I miss the stars. I miss the colorful leaves and different shades of dirt.

Simple things.

I love what the city has to offer, but when I go back home to the lake I try to take as much of it in.

One day my parents will pass, we'll sell the old lake house - and we won't have a reason to go any longer. This makes me sad so I just take more and more pictures hoping to preserve the memory.

This is what happens when you take a picture of the sun, it comes out like a scene in Harry Potter

Funny how even a man made lake has God written all over it.


World of Jenks: Herschel Sims

I love my hometown. There is so much I miss about it from time to time. I miss going to the store and running into half a dozen people I know. I miss going to La Popular Bakery on Pine St, and I miss Friday night football. We have football in the DFW area, but West Texas football is a totally different creature.

Abilene High Eagles at the 2009 State Tournament in the Alamodome 

The town is ghostlike on a Friday night. When our team is on the road, the fans follow. When we play our crosstown rivals - you're covered in your school's colors from head to toe. Every, class, age, and color is covered. The game is the highlight of the week, and staying true to tradition, begins and ends with a prayer.

My old high school won last year's state championship and the pride felt as we witnessed these young men make history was priceless. Our hometown once again came in huge groups to show their support.

Once again the Abilene High Eagles are in the playoffs and what a great way to kick off post season play then a feature on MTV?  Andrew Jenks, documentary filmmaker from The World of Jenks recently covered Herschel Sims, Abilene High Running Back and his struggle to the top.

Bring the tissues.

I was definitely prepared to witness an overwhelming sense of joy upon seeing my hometown featured on MTV, but the surge of emotions that came with it left me humbled. The story behind Herschel's upbringing and his experiences as a child to young man had me floored. How is it he suffered through so much and has still continued to beat all odds against him and flourish not only as a star athlete, but a star human being?

He is one of the best in the nation, and projected to be an even bigger deal in the collegiate and professional world of football but when he said he'd give it all up in a heartbeat to have a home with a mom and dad? Wow.

I'll let the documentary tell the rest. Please watch it here.

Listfully Yours

It's been awhile, here's a list.

1) So I realize now I did in fact blog high. Getting my wisdom teeth out is something I've avoided for over 12 years and now I wonder why. I can't believe the stuff they give you at the oral surgeon is even legal. It's awesome. I want more.

2) My family is picking up the pieces from the the chaos a couple of weeks ago. Thanksgiving may be especially difficult, but if the time we spent together after the services is any indication that a ridiculously big Mexican family can overcome even the biggest of tragedies then I think we'll enjoy our time together and be able to really be thankful for those of us that have made it through.

3) I lost my license. Suuuuck.

4) We've been approached by a set of pastors who are working with a young mother right now regarding adoption. She has two children already (she's 18) and has just given birth to twin girls that she feels she cannot take care of. Enter us. How do I feel about it? Despite knowing now I CAN in fact get pregnant, makes it almost impossible for me to fathom turning down an opportunity to take in these two infants. I asked my husband, "What if we adopt these two baby girls, and six months from now I end up pregnant?" His response "That'd be awesome! If anyone can do it, we can." Wow. Well, I always DID want a lot of kids..

5) My cousin just got married in Vegas yesterday. I find this blog worthy because at this time last year she didn't even have her first boyfriend, then almost overnight they're engaged, now married. She waited 26 years for this which by most people's standards these days, 26 is still young to wed, but the item I find particularly interesting is she didn't have her big wedding. Her family wasn't even there to share in the nuptials. I know a lot of people prefer it this way, but I know her and I really thought she would enjoy fthe whole wedding planning process. To this day I think of things I'd like a "re-do" on when it comes to my wedding, mainly details but to this day they bother me. I can't imagine the sense of regret I would have felt if I had an impromptu wedding, sans family, sans tradition almost immediately after. I guess love does make you do crazy things. I hope it's something she doesn't regret.

Welp that's it. There's my update, more blogs to follow.


Big toofs

Weeeee! No unicorns I'm sleeps now

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

"That's a Big Toof"

I'm sitting in the office of my oral surgeon waiting to get a big fat iv in me and two pounds of wisdom teeth out.

Of course I'm just saying this because I'm nervous - it can't be that bad right?

I decided I will blog pre-op, and as quickly as I can post-op so later I can go back and read the nonsense I wrote while high.

I hope its good stuff. I hope I feel like Jack from the Jack in the Box commercials. I'd link it buy I'm too jittery.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Death, Chapter 3

(names on this post will remain confidential, you could probably Google this story and get all the details but this is more than a crime story to me, this is my family and I don't feel comfortable using names right now...)

Thursday, November 11th, 3:30 p.m.

Mother in law calls in the middle of 6th period - I almost ignored it since I was I work, but then I realized, she never calls when I'm at work, so I answer...

"Are you sitting down?"

"What? Why?"

"Aunt A was killed, M  (her granddaughter) killed her..."

Worst phone call ever.

Aunt A is actually my husband's aunt, and mine through marriage, but I've actually known her longer then I've known my husband, We went to church together for many years, and she and my mother were very close friends. When I first moved to this area we became very close. She had also moved from our hometown here and knew the area much better than I so we were able to visit churches, and spend time together. it was nice to know we had family here.

She lived with one of her two daughters, and her son. Not long after, her granddaughter M, moved in. M was the daughter of Aunt A's other daughter who remained in our home town.

So what in the world would cause a granddaughter to kill her own grandmother?

M has suffered from psychological issues for some time now. She has been in and out of treatment facilities and hospitals and was diagnosed bipolar/schizophrenic. Her insurance wouldn't cover all of the meds she needed and those that it did cover M had a difficult time taking them like she needed to.

We all knew she was sick. We had no idea how bad it was.

When we would see her, she was normal. We only knew she was sick because of what those closest to her told us. Otherwise, M was always personable and warm.


Okay, this is not as easy as I thought...


A is gone. She died with a bullet to the head. She was not deserving of this - she treated her grandchildren with the highest respect. She was compassionate, warm, and loving. She was a giver, and a worker. She was full of joy, and it all ended on a cold concrete parking lot of a psychiatric hospital. She was taking her sick granddaughter to be evaluated, to get help because she loved her so much and hated to see her suffer and hear these "voices" telling her to do things against God and nature.

I can't fathom how sick must she have been to have done that? And was she really that sick? What is the difference between her and a cold hearted killer? Is this different because she was sick? But she went out and got a gun, even shared what her plans were beforehand. Isn't that calculated? How is my family going to recover from this? How is my cousin and her son going to move on, two less people in their home? One in prison, one dead? How will we treat M? With love and compassion? With hate and rage? I know it is the intention of our family to treat her like family and forgive. I just know for some people, that may not be feasible any time soon, and I understand that.

Above all of the questions, lie the emotions.

The severity of this situation didn't hit until we hit the road Saturday. Even after going to A's house Thursday night to be with my family - I still sat stone faced. Friday as I packed, my mind was running - but I was a rock. Once I hit the main highway - the tears wouldn't stop. Now as I sit and type I'm shaking at what a heinous thing has occurred in my family. My tears has somehow made another reappearance and there's nothing I can do to have peace with this. I haven't had a full nights sleep since I received the news. I kept seeing their faces, I even saw visions of what it all looked like. I imagined the look on my aunt's face when she saw her precious granddaughter raise a gun to her head.

In the midst of this I miss being able to share these types of things with certain people. This has been a rough year and although my husband is a great support and friend - sometimes I need that outside source to talk to and get things off my chest and it seems like I'm in a dry spell.

It's okay though. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have my mother here. My niece's and nephews are healthy. My husband loves me, and my family is now safe. These are the things I hold onto. The solace I find is in knowing my aunt is no longer worried, or stressed. I know peace will come back to my heart, and back to my family. I know one day soon I will be able to sleep and not imagine the horror. I have to believe this or I cannot live life the way I know my aunt would have wanted me to.


"Vanity is My Favorite Sin"

Those were Al Pacino's words, not mine, but they could very well be.

I am vain, yes, it's not secret.

It's not anything I'm proud of per say, but I've totally come to terms with it.

I get it from my mom.

This was totally taken at a football game - no sweatshirts or tennis shoes for us. We supported the team fashionably.

Mom and I were talking today and every so often she says something like:

"When I did I want this song at my funeral,,,,"
"If something happens to me and I need 24 hour help just send me to a home..."

It's funny how she seems almost totally okay with the fact she is getting older, not as healthy and feels it necessary to bring these things up but today she took it in a different direction...

Mom: "When I die I want a closed casket, I don't want people seeing me like that, I want the last way they saw me to be good. Oh, and if I get sick and in the hospital you and your sister HAVE to make sure you're keeping up with my make up."

Me: "Uh, ditto! Oh, and make sure your tweeze my brows at least every other week, seriously, I mean, it's bad enough I'm IN the hospital but I have to look rough too??"

Mom: "Right?"

Me: "Yeah! 

Me: "Um, mom? We're totally vain!"

Mom: "I know."

Is it wrong to be so vain?

Even since I was a little girl (minus my tomboy years) I wouldn't leave the house without feeling like I looked my best for whatever occasion I was heading out to. As I got older, it became a bit more intense. I've never come close to being the low maintenance type, granted, I don't indulge in massages or skin treatments but I don't leave the house without mascara or lip gloss at the least, and neither does momma.

I've always laughed at guys that have told me I didn't need makeup, heels and such because whenever they met and approached me I was wearing makeup and heels. I find it hard to believe they would have been so quick to introduce themselves if I was sans makeup and had my hair in a bun.

But I never did it for the boys, I did it for me.

I take pride in a good appearance. I enjoy makeup, and primping myself. I can sit behind the PS3 for hours (Hello Black Ops!) and sit through a Sunday full of football constantly checking my fantasy team but I am a girly girl and proud. I frequent the salon for a cut/style or mani/pedi. I wax my own eyebrows every other week to ensure they're flawless. I micro demabrase once or  twice a week, and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. I've been known to kick up the whiteness in my teeth, and if I had my choice, I'd wear heels on a daily basis. My "makeup bag" is a professional makeup case with compartments and categories (browns, smoky blacks/grays, violets).

Yes. It's that's serious.

I guess I never really understood people who didn't do the same.

I think there is a big difference in being proud of your appearance by maintaining yourself to a higher standard, and being an egotistical jerk. One might say vanity is vanity and it's a futile, narcissistic trait.

I say we have one life to live, and I'm going to live it feeling good about myself on the inside and out.

So in closing, here are a few of my favorite vanity enabling products and one of mom's beauty secrets:

1) Bad Gal Lash by Benefit

I've used everything and this is by far my favorite. It makes my lashes super long, full, and not cluttered at all.

2) MAC Lip Glass in Pink Poodle

One's lips should always be poppin', The mouth is a close second to the eyes when it comes to what I look at in other people. I think everyone should have a pretty white smile, and nothing compliments your pearly whites like some glossy pink lips.

3) TRESemmé Heat Protectant

No one likes split ends and I Chi everyday so this is a good, cost effective way to keep the damage down. Plus, I think it's just as good as the salon cost at a quarter of the price.

4) Mary Kay Yellow Eye Concealer

I've used this concealer for years and refuse to change. It has more pigment than any other concealer I have without feeling cakey.

5) Smoother skin? Petroleum Jelly.

For years mom has covered her face in Vaseline after showering, and places a steamed towel for a few minutes before washing and moisturizing. She has great skin and is complimented on it constantly. I also apply Vaseline to my hands, feet, elbows, and knees nightly to keep them nice and soft.

6) Smashbox Photo Finish Primer

Is it worth the buy? I think so. It makes my foundation easier to spread and my makeup stays considerably fresh, even at the end of the day.

7) TRESemmé Dry Shampoo

This is a fairly new product that I LOVE! It's not good to wash your hair everyday as you strip your hair of natural oils that help moisturize those precious strands but sometimes my hair feels not so fresh the next day. I use to wash every other day and my hair would feel great but I have serious hormonal issues that took me from normal hair, to dandruff head and now I'm at this weird in between stage that isn't oily, but difficult to style on day two. This is a great way to make it manageable without drying out your do.

So there you go, a few of my beauty gems. Please share any of yours :)


I miss...

Staying up past 1 a.m. and being able to fully function the next day - heck, I miss just staying up past 1 a.m.

Having a flat tummy without having to lay on my back

Having less responsibilities and a job whose biggest requirement was me standing at a register

Having 24 hour access to a girlfriend for a late night conversation

The freedom to just get up and go

Being an extra small top at Express and a size double zero in jeans

What I don't miss...

The insecurity that came with me being single or in an unfulfilled relationship

Shopping in juniors or kids where the quality if clothing just plain sucked

Not having curves

Working for an hourly wage just making some CEO richer

What I love...

Having responsibilities that enrich the lives of others and myself

That I don't look older than 25

Having a house without loud people next to, below or under me

Having a reason to go to bed early :)

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College. Oh. Boy.

So yesterday I had the pleasure of hanging out with a couple of the best friends a gal like me can have. Although we only live an hour apart, we don't all see each other as much as we should. We were college roommates and now we are all at different phases in our lives, married with children, married with no children, and single. It doesn't matter how long it's been, when we're back together the memory train comes into town.

I love reminiscing.

I love memories and I love retelling the stories and listening to other retell their versions of them. About two years ago I was back in my college town (also my hometown) and snapped some photos of some memorable "landmarks" from my college days that will coincide perfectly with the ride down college memory lane...let me share a few with you - well - just the ones that wouldn't make our families cringe too much...

1) Ah. Where most of the memories were held, our place on Musken Road.

This house was witness to a lot of laughs, singing, music, odd eating (say plantains and raw spaghetti), an on again off again friendship/romance with the neighbor boys, a snowball fight with those boys which resulted in one of us getting belted in the face, a couple of ridiculously crazy parties that were miraculously never interrupted by the police, lots of crying, lots of drama, the house smelling like a toilet at certain parts of the day, my parents bringing us groceries, getting caught next door when I was supposed to be at home (oops! Sorry Caroline, you tried to protect me), McMurry football player visits, a couple of ACU baseball players, and a few HSU soccer player visits (we were equal opportunity), running into the glass slide doors, having a landline phone that actually rang, having a 200lb television 5 feet in the air, scaring the crap out of my roommates, taking pictures of drunk Jen and still holding them over her head as blackmail, one of us kissing a gross boy at the McM bonfire (not naming names), staying up in each others rooms just talking and laughing.

2) Nathan, Josh, Ryan (and sometimes) Andy's place

This was my second home junior year. There was a party every weekend, but of course I didn't need a party to hang out there. These guys were like serious brothers to me and some of my best memories stem from here like, listening to Nathan play his guitar, getting grossed out at Josh dipping, Andy sounding like a pothead ALL the freakin' time, Ryan doing the "dance of the pool boy" to Pink Floyd's Another Brink In The Wall, theme nights (Big Lebowski Drunk Bowling Nights, French Nights, Camp Pal's) sitting on the roof until 4 a.m.

3)  Matt, Brandon, (and sometimes) Andy's

WHERE exactly did Andy actually live?

Another common hangout, usually with Caroline. The carport was screened in and I think I have to say this house out of all of the houses was probably the most filthy. Most of the memories generated at this place are mostly blurry now but I remember always sitting outside, listening to music, trying to decipher what these guys were talking about as they were always in an altered state of mind, talking to the old guy that lived in the pink house next door, and one of the other roommates I didn't know too well always getting upset because he was trying to become a cop and most of what took place here was illegal.

4) The Taint. (or, Luke, Brian, Melvin, George, (and at one time) Hance's place

After the guys in the aforementioned houses began to graduate (they were older than me) then many gatherings occurred here. Again, there was usually something every weekend, and although I wasn't as close to these guys, it was still a place I remember frequenting during my last days in college. Most of the shenanigans occurred in the garage, or Taint, as it was called. Best memory was the music room, listening to some early recordings of Micah P. Hinson from Luke's computer, playing a socially awkward game of truth or dare in Brian's room where subsequently many of us just ended up falling asleep in his room, a little bit of nakedness, and mangina.

5) Jeremy, Roy, and Dwayne's aka Sodom and Gomorrah


What to say? Fun place to go, a few parties, ugly twins (Roy!), and drunkedness.

6) The best part, us.

Jen: musical muse, never judging, always humming or singing, incredible Ms Crabtree impersonation, an even better Mystical impersonation (DANGUH!)

Christina: the sweetest one, always concerned, rarely rude or moody, the responsible one, and now a pretty awesome mommy to two precious boys

Kimberly: so beautiful yet has no idea, trusting, good girl with a wild streak, our unofficial fourth roommate

And Me: a hot mess, loud, social, and to this day loving these girls like sisters, even if I made myself the black sheep

In hindsight I'm not sure how I even survived those four years with some of the ridiculousness that occurred. All I know is although I don't talk about all of it, I don't regret any of it. College is more about experience than the piece of paper you get when you're done. Lucky for me, I got the piece of paper, the experience, and all of the memories that goes along with it.


Forget The Election - Cinnabon is in Control

Seriously, I had my first Cinnabon about two years ago and was a changed woman. How could we ever say we truly had any sort of pastry BEFORE Cinnabon? Then, a Cinnabon was a special treat, only eaten on the rare occasions we would happen to be in a mall with a Cinnabon, but recently it seems Cinnabon is runnin' a muck on society.

Yes ladies and gentleman, forget the democrats and republicans (who ELSE was sick of the excessive whoring of the voting issue on Facebook?) forget liberals and conservative, no more bloods and crips (or Latin Kings, holla!) We have a new competitor that has already won our hearts, and now our homes.

Cinnabon is everywhere.

It's no longer a special treat - Cinnabon has taken itself to a completely different level. Before I thought "huh, Cinnabon cereal? Cool." or "Whoa! Cinnabon at Scholtzsky's?? Awesome!" But now an excessive amount of products are out there with the Cinnabon name.

Somebody's getting rich.

Peep this.

And these are just the products that came up on the first two pages of Google Images when "Cinnabon" is searched. There were a few more I didn't even bother to snatch. So it made me wonder, something this good, can't be that good for you, right?

(This is where you secretly hope I'm about to tell you they are actually very nutritional and full of ooey-gooey greatness where no guilt is necessary, well, keep hopin')

A Classic Cinnabon has:

813 Calories which could be traded for: over 8 medium sized apples, over 6 servings of Baked Cheetos, or almost 4 full size Hershey bars!

32 gram of fat which could be substituted for: 2 Chik-fil-A chicken sandwiches, 16 slices of bacon (assuming it's not ALL fat), or get this, 45 BANANAS!

801 mg of sodium OR: 72 Bud Lights, 5 tomatos, or 20 pretzels.

They should call them SINabons.

After looking this information up I want to run about 100 laps around my bed before I lie in it, but the truth is - I'm probably going to wake up and finish the leftover SINabon I purchased tonight. I only ate about 20 grams of it's fatty deliciousness so I have about 13 more grams to go.

I'll make sure and blog about the process of me no longer fitting into my "thick" clothes anymore later...

Funny how they turned "chubby" into "thick" and it's supposed to be all good...


30 Days // FAIL!

I quit. I can't do it, no, I CAN do it, I just choose not to. I'm already late on two and yeah, I'm over it. It didn't feel natural anyway. This blog was strictly to put off paying a therapist and to use when necessary. Showing you a picture of what's in my purse...not so much.

So this weekend I was back home for one night and it was actually the best trip I've taken back home in a long time. I think the short time there kept it from being stress free. I had to pack less, I was less obligated to do things/be places and I got to see almost all of our immediate families in less than 24 hours. Short timing, but just short enough to prevent anyone from dying.

So I return back home with plans to go to a friend's 30th birthday party. Not exactly what I was up to - I'm not much for getting out of the house lately. I'm still working through some issues that I thought would be a bit more tolerable now but sometimes it really gets to me. Sometimes I wake up and feel great, then it'll hit me that I should be this many months pregnant - or I just think about how different things would be had I never lost my baby.

Needless to say, I'm not in a festive mood, and I wasn't really feeling a party. I got on board and went, not just because I need to get out and not be such down but because my poor, sweet, supportive husband has been by my side this whole time with me. I knew he needed out, so we went and it was a good thing we did because there wasn't a dull moment. We saw old and a few new friends and spent the night conversing, laughing and making fun of the women in some ridiculous "oh she should NOT wear THAT" outfits. Towards the end of the night, just when it couldn't be anymore entertaining, it did. I had already forgotten that there would be some live music at this venue so imagine my excitement when this guy walked onto stage...

Yes. Vanilla Ice.

Did you have any idea he still performed? WITH new music? I didn't, and I didn't care, I just wanted to hear that infamous song. It's funny how so many of us, including myself make fun of the 'ol guy and rightly so. He made a complete jerk of himself on The Surreal Life and let's face it, he was a one hit wonder, but when I heard the intro to Ice Ice Baby - I can't explain how it felt. It was funny and exciting at the same time. I just remember watching the video when I was in 5th or 6th grade thinking he was so freakin' cool and how I wanted to dance like him. That was 20 years ago and it was nice to share that moment with my husband and good friends. I'm totally not saying Vanilla Ice makes me forget where I am in life right now, but the moment definitely made me smile.


How To Eat Beans



Great job on the lesson! Here is your reward, a look at what I ate for breakfast!

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30 Days // Day 5

5) a picture of me two years ago

I'm back in my hometown for the evening, no access to my computer! Boo. It's okay though, I shall leave you with a list about this ridonkulous week of mine...

1) It's come to my attention that there may be more people I know reading this thing than I thought...like people I didn't think did (outside of the few I told about my blog a couple of weeks ago). I'm not sure how I feel about that. This blog isn't for numbers as you can tell, it's very personal and the idea of more people knowing about it gives me a sense of paranoia with a splash of ballsy-ness.

2) I can't link from this blogger app but the friend from my "Letter to a Bad Friend" by some odd force of nature Facebooked me a "hey." I was completely thrown off and with the plethora of emotions I'm feeling with the first cycle after my miscarriage I just thought I would break down to an instant peace treaty. I guess even my hormones were scorned because I just wasn't having it. I don't understand how it took three months and at that, just a "hey". I told him how I felt and it's definitely resolved but I'm not setting myself for further hurt or disappointment. The ball will be in his court from here on out because I'm exhausted with just life and all it's little surprises right now.

3) I'm in my hometown tonight for the first time in three months which is a long time for me. I was going to wait until Thanksgiving but caved. I've been avoiding the whole "Are you okay?" "Don't worry, God will bring you another one." (I wanted this one...) I figured if I waited long enough people would forget. I wish it was that easy for me. Not that I want to forget my baby even existed, but I don't want to hurt anymore. I'll be going back home by noon tomorrow.

4) This week I made some calaveras de azucar a bit early for Día de Los Muertos. They don't taste that great but they sure were fun to make!

Until tomorrow,

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30 Days // Day 4

4) My favorite picture of my best friend

I love you mom.

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30 Days // Day 3

3) My idea for the perfect first date

My idea of the perfect first date is a casual dinner on a patio in the city within walking distance to a museum with a new exhibit. We would browse and converse about the art, if he wasn't fluent, he'd at least show an interest and ask my input (or if he was a step ahead he'd do some pre-date some research so he could impress me with a little insight). Afterwards we would end the night at a show, preferably an upbeat group like Bishop Allen or a fun cover band who plays your typical cover band type songs like Jesse's Girl or Brick House.

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30 Days // Day 2

I ate chorizo.

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Frenemies. Part 2

Remember this??? Friend from the past who IGNORED my Facebook message and friend request two years ago but has befriended other friends of mine?

I don't know if this is just irony, or if more people know about my blog than I think, but look what I got today!

I haven't replied yet - not sure what to say NOW?

Still nothing from this person though.

30 Days // Day 1

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

My day was alright. I started off messy. Woke up late because I already fixed my hair last night, and today was "PJ" day at score so my outfit was already decided. Woke up to three texts:

1) Mom: I've been in line since 5:45 a.m. (she was getting tickets for a football game I'll bring up in a later post)

2) Sister: Did you know mom has been in line since 5:45??

3) College BFF: Water broke! 5 weeks early!

Needless to say I was preoccupied with the texts that before I knew it, I was late AND the PJ bottoms I wanted to wear were too tight! I specifically bought these pants last year for PJ day because the ones I wanted to wear were tight so yeah..now these can't hold my trunk junk in enough to not me feel comfortable wearing them around hormone ridden minors. So I nixed those and opted for a pair that were very well hidden in an obscure drawer (which of course means they needed to be ironed).

Grabbed soda, crated the weiners, off to work.

Ugh. Forgot to pick up my lunch.

School, blah, blah, blah...

Husband brings lunch (yay!)

Home/helped a friend with a paper for her college writing class

Considered joining a writing class

Husband's adult league game/kept up with the disappointing Cowboy game

Back home, eating chips and wondering why I committed to a 30 Day Blog Challenge?!?

Oh, and here's my pic, of me eating chips. I should have taken a pic of my trunk with it's lovely junk.

I'm not one of those people that enjoy taking an insane amount of self portraits so yeah, this will do for now.


Coming Soon To A Blog Near You!

So I've graduated from a 10 Day Challenge and am now committing myself to a 30 DAY CHALLENGE starting tomorrow! I stumbled across this while rereading old comments from much older blogs and came across an old blogging friend of mine Ehu who is also going to do the challenge.

Here's the plan!

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

Day 7 – Your dream wedding.

Day 8 – A song to match your mood.

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.

Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.

Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?

Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.

Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?

Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.

Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.

Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.

Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.

Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.

Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.

Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.

Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.

Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Day 23 – 15 facts about you.

Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.

Day 25 – What’s in your purse?

Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.

Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?

Day 28 – Your favorite movie.

Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.

Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past

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I Want.

I'm sure the neighborhood would hate me...

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Mall Advertising = Weak Sauce!

So I was at the mall food court filling my face with mall food last night, yes, a Tuesday and I was really annoyed with the ridiculous advertising featured. It wouldn't bother me so much except that it was the same three adds rotating, over, and over, and over, and over. After awhile I began to come up with my own copy for these ads...

I have way too much time on my hands sometimes.


I'm Old!

I know I've touched on this subject before but it became all too real this weekend.

Here we go:

Friday 4:00 - Work is over! Happy hour?? Nope...

Friday 4:01 - I stay to get ahead on a supply shipment thus intruding on my weekend

Friday 5:00 - I dig weeds out of my front yard...seriously?

And the rest of the evening I avoid the Texas Ranger game and clean house until midnight.

Saturday 9:00 - Up and at 'em for some co-ed soccer in which the team I'm watching loses every game (but there was a fight, highlight of my weekend? Perhaps.)

Saturday 4:00 - Just got home, NAP!

Saturday 7:00 - Wake up. Ugh. Break plans to go out with another couple to the State Fair of Texas because I'm...old. After that I read some blogs I follow and a few others I've just come across and then it dawns on me, I'm total weak sauce now.

I use to be awesome too.

I read through these blogs of these incredibly interesting (even though they think they are a hot, misunderstood mess) and am inspired.

They write about sex and don't get awkward about it.

They travel, on a whim, they just up and go explore parts of the world.

They are candid and raw, never thinking about or really care what others think if they know their truth.

They do all of these things and don't hide behind a ridiculous pen name like, *ahem* Picosita.

This is the kicker. Even AFTER I decide I'm boring, my husband and I discuss our Halloween plans. The first plan was to go to the Granada Theater and hear T-Bird and The Breaks whilst wearing our much anticipated creative costume (this year we decided on Cheech and Chong...um, hello. Not cute for me at ALL but clever nonetheless), then we were invited to a costume free birthday party for a friend at a cool little bar we've heard a lot about, but I'm not (much of) a drinker. The I precede to say:

"You know what would be awesome? We should just invite two or three couples over and have a game night! It would be fun to just sit around, play games and that way we can see all of the cute little trick or treaters that will be coming by!"



At that moment I knew I needed to do something to let my hair down STAT. (It gets worse) So we left for Furr's (a FREAKIN' OLD PERSONS BUFFET!) but then decided to save the Furr's visit until the next morning and opted for another eatery which resulted us in bed by 10:30.



I Hate You Sometimes, Not You...You.

We sailed away on a winter's day
With fate as malleable as clay
But ships are fallible, I say
And the nautical, like all things, fades
And I can recall our caravel
A little wicker beetle shell
With four fine maste and lateen sails
Its bearings on Cair Paravel

Oh my love
Oh it was a funny little thing
To be
The ones
To've seen


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Teen Mom, My Take...

So I can say I've watched my fair share of this show. Although I've grown out of the MTV staples (Real World and all of those ridiculous challenges), I have definitely bought into their other reality programming.

I was totally into The Hills, don't judge, although one might question the "reality" behind the show. I like World of Jenks and the True Life series. The show that seems to have taken the limelight though would have to be Teen Mom.

The show focuses on young mothers previously on the 16 and Pregnant Series. Now they are all grown, and struggling with life as young mothers. Of course some handle the struggle better than others.

Here's my take on these little ladies...


Maci has to be my favorite mom. I can't help but think her success as a young mother and student has a lot to do with the support she had in comparison to the other mothers from family and friends. Unfortunately her son's father Ryan is a real piece of work. From the beginning he showed little to no interest in his son, and this season he is focused on gaining more visitation/custody. For what? I know people change, and know this IS his father but I can't help but feel his desire for custody is strictly for the cameras or pure spite for the woman who has made that little boy as happy as he is.

My Prediction?
She'll end back up with Ryan for awhile, possibly get married, and eventually divorce.

My Advice?
Work with Ryan for your son. He'll never say you didn't try. Focus on your schooling, and not these boys who aren't ready for what you have to offer. Oh, and consider a baby sitter from time to time - you're friends will be less likely to invite you out of the house if you always bring the kid. You're a good mom, getting out from time to time isn't awful and you need it for your own personal sanity.


Where do I even begin with the train wreck that is Amber and her baby daddy/on again off again fiance Gary? Not only has Amber shown her inability to control her emotions but she has taken it to a whole new other level with her ability to get physical. First with Gary, then who next? Her daughter when she doesn't clean her room? I'm in no way saying Gary is model father or boyfriend, he has his faults as well. I wanted to climb through the television and knock him out myself when he totally left Amber high and dry on her birthday with NO sitter. Who says you can't go out unless you invite me? What a loser. If they didn't have that poor child I would say they are perfect for each other, but for her sake it's best they keep as far away from each other as possible.

My Prediction?
She'll either continue to pursue a relationship with this new guy she's dating (loser) or find another gem (loser) to be with. She'll probably end up supporting him, get pregnant, and go psycho on him causing him to leave. This cycle may repeat one more time until she sticks to her cigs and boxed wine.

My Advice?
Get serious therapy. Grow the freak up and be the good, consistent mother you need to be. Stop tanning so stinkin' much, get your G.E.D. and calm the FREAK down when Gary's trying to talk to you reasonably (even if he's an idiot). Lastly, for the love of all things good, STOP ARGUING IN FRONT OF THAT BABY!


I'm actually a fan of Farrah this season. Last season? Not so much. I think the best thing that happened to Farrah is when momma slapped her around a bit. I am not, I repeat, am NOT an advocate for physical abuse, but I'm old school. A momma, is a momma and as long as you are old enough to live in momma's house, you are old enough to get your butt whooped. (Don't hate me). Her mom definitely has control issues, but let me tell you why I feel this way. Farrah didn't experience true maturity and independence until she hit that point with her mother. It's not until she was forced to pay rent, get a job and balance that with school and having a daughter that she really grew up. I respect her now and believe she is at the point to find a good man that will love her and her daughter.

My Prediction?
She'll finish school if she doesn't fall in love and get married first. She'll wait on the next baby, and as little as a couple years from now, she and her mother will be close, sharing stories on love and motherhood.

My Advice?
Don't go looking for him, live your life, and your paths will cross. Understand that you only get one mother, and when you are upset with yours, consider having the next girl's mother...


I've saved the best for last. Is she perfect? No. Totally mature? Not all the time. Kick ass human being? Yes. Catelynn and Ryan put themselves aside to give their daughter the best future possible. They understood the environment they lived in wasn't good enough for their precious baby. They have had to grow up too soon with the parents they were given alone (their parents are dating each other, weirdness, alcoholics/drug abuser), so to top that off with bringing a new life into the world? They have handled themselves maturely, and responsibly. They had me in tears this evening, not only to see their sincere, strong love for the daughter they haven't raised, but to see how open the adoptive parents are to these two young people still having a shot of being in their daughter's life.

I'm sure they would love to have this little girl all to themselves, but they show their true hearts and gratitude by not hiding this adoption, but freely allowing all parties involved, to stay in contact. This baby is so fortunate to have two sets of parents that are so loving and selfless.

My Prediction?
These two will stay together. They will continue with their education to a certain extent, get married, and have children.

My Advice?
You were made for each other and placed in this situation for a reason. Get your education, and use your fame and experience to become advocates for adoption. There are so many teens that will never consider the option until they see and hear your story.