Twins, not for the weak.

No, I'm not having an "oh CRAP!" moment, not at all. In fact, after waiting so long for mommy hood I made a pact with myself that my complaints would be few and far apart. I actually don't have complaints even about the lack of sleep or personal time to, say for instance, BLOG, but it has taken it's toll on me for different reasons. I totally became a hypocrite and started a "mommy blog," you can read it here, but will continue to write here as I feel necessary. My "mommy blog" will serve the purpose of allowing friends and family that actually have an investment or concern in my girls personally or have kids of their own an find an excessive amount of photos of another kid doing the same thing in four different bootleg photoshop vinettes interesting because if they tell you it's great you'll run to their mommy blog and return the favor, and of course those without children that for some reason enjoy following other peoples kids' progress via Blogger or Wordpress (do they exist?) This shall remain my private portal about all things I find interesting or worth complaining about, when the baby Gods allow time for me to do so...

Here's a list...

1) Twins are expensive. I never wanted to spoil my kids and now it seems like I don't have a choice. Between the insurance, food, diapers, lawyer fees, and nanny money is tight.

Hold up.

Wait a minute.

Yes, I said nanny. Not a live in nanny, just a glorified sitter who will watch my girls at my home while I work so I don't have to put together a diaper bag or load them in and out of my car four times a day.

It just dawned on me. I'm Mexican-American with a white nanny! What's this world coming to...

2) I often find myself irritated when I'm constantly asked or urged to stay at home. It's not that I don't see value in staying home with my girls 24 hours, really I do and I see why others do it but it's not for me and here's why...

I LOVED seeing my mother do it all. She worked full time, was and is a great wife and mother, went to all of our school things, kept the house clean, kept us fed with homemade meals daily and looked like a rockstar balancing it all. I want that image for my daughters. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom and I know it's hard work, harder than many jobs (believe me I know, I'm practically a babysitter for 200 middle schoolers) but I want my daughters to see the same way I can do it all, so can they. Plus, there aren't just a ton of people in m family with a college degree, I'm one of the first on both sides and I want to utilize that degree. My job will help me help students who don't have a role model at home like my girls will, it will help me provide for my daughters financially, and it will give me time for me even if it's in a classroom.

I'm annoyed with the topic constantly being brought up and although it can be tempting at times, right now I'm a working gal and I like it. Plus, financially it would be detrimental unless we had a third child but if we had a third child we would probably end up on Chips and stamps and honestly, I know those things are out there for those that need it but well I'm able bodied enough to work so I won't need it thankyouverymuch.

3) My parents were almost killed this week, no exaggeration. Shortly after I left their home with my girls in tow, their kitchen exploded from a sudden gas leak that threw them both back several feet. Dad has severe burns on his arms, hands, and face that are now blistered, red/black/pink/brown spots all over and still in pain. Mom on the other hand only lost a few inches of burnt hair but is suffering the most emotionally and mentally. The majority of the damage was done in the kitchen and parts of the living room so they're living in an extended stay hotel until they decide if they want to even return.

I hope they don't.

I'm sure they will.

4) I'm over Zumba. No I haven't tried it and don't have any intention to (which in saying that means I WILL do it because I tend to get all hypocrite on an issue and do the opposite of what I've said I would, you know, like a mommy blog and watching Avatar)

Seriously though, if I have to see one more commercial or Facebook status about Zumba I'm going to pull my toenails out with pliers go crazy. It's talked about like it's a religion and really it just looks like a bunch of dancing.

5) My mind is currently revolving around all things mommy so I'm going to make that #5. I fear if I write more it'll be all mommy crap and I have to expand outside of that on this blog or I'll totally lose myself in the process. It's going to be a delicate process, not just in blogging aspects which is the last of my concerns, but just holding on to who I am, mommy or not. I know a lot of women struggle with that and I struggled with it as a married woman alone, but now I mom of twins?

I know my time will be limited for "me" time, but I have to stick to it. I won't go to concerts all the time like before, but I'll hit a show here and there. I'll wear more comfortable shoes when carrying around two little kiddos, but my heals won't sit the bench either. Lastly I'll cut back from extra responsibilities but I will remain true to those that help me be the person I know will help me as a mother like being a friend, an artist, and, a blogger :)


I'm a Mommy!

So we are a week into being the proud parents of beautiful twin girls.

Oh. My. Word.

We are in the car on our way to our hometown now to go to their first event, a baby shower! This is the only time I could blog, sitting between two car seats as daddy is searching for Christmas music that isn't depressing and about love lost on Pandora.

Here are my thoughts so far in no particular order:

1) The initial fear has faded some. We've had a great support system living with us at home so I am a bit worried if I can handle this once they're gone. I feel inept at times because this is so new and my husband is much more natural about it. I know it'll take one moment of being alone with both of them crying and I'll feel more confident, well, once they stop screaming.

2) I can't wait to go to the mall, I see it now...
"Are these your girls? Twins? They're beautiful! So tiny!"

"Yes, they're mine! Thank you!"

"You look great for having twins!"

"Thanks! You know I don't have one single stretch mark and my breasts look fabulous still!"

3) On a more serious note, my biggest hurdle is really within. I don't want to be a control freak mama. I'm naturally a control freak so the idea of my girls even being in a room of 60+ people (hello Mexican baby shower) makes me shudder (because of germs, not because they're Mexicans). Send relaxed, stress free thoughts my way!

4) I already get sad knowing they'll grow so fast and they're barely 6 pounds now!

5) The actual exchange with the birth mother actually was beautiful. There wasn't reluctance on her part, some tears, but she stayed strong. I wish I could say the same, I walked into the sanctuary in tears, overwhelming joy and gratitude. I embraced the birthmother before I ever looked at my daughters. She handed one to me, and our mediator and pastor handed the other to my husband. We talked briefly, prayed and even took photos for the girls when they get older. After the birth mom left, we changed the girls, and our families came over to meet them. We took lots of photos that I'll share on...

6) a mommy blog. Yes. I know I've criticized the mommy blog before. This is my moment of irony and I don't care. I'm keeping this blog fairly baby free and will create an additional blog just about my adventures raising twins. I'll advertise that blog here but probably won't advertise this blog there because I'm a freak like that who doesn't particularly care for people I know reading this.

That's it for now. I see a nap in my future.

*I'm also not editing this because...I'm sleepy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Mommyhood Coming To A Blogger Near You?

Could it be?

It seems so.

Tomorrow a young mother is scheduled to sign her rights away at my lawyers office. Saturday at 10 a.m. we are scheduled to pick up twin 1 month old girls who we will name Mila and Lola. The adoption process then takes place but they will be in our custody right away.

I am over the moon. I am scared. I'm excited. I feel way too unworthy.

I've lost so much sleep, but last night I slept and dreamed of my girls. When I woke up, it's like I almost felt their presence in our home. For a second I thought maybe I had already had them. Today I cried at the mere thought of them.

God remembered me, He never forgot, and He was waiting until this good and perfect time to give us our children.

I didn't want to blog until I had them, but I've had an overwhelming sense of emotion and such a small window of time to process this that I HAD to write to let some things out and use this blog for what I originally intended.

I am so ready yet so unprepared for this next step in our lives.

Wish us luck!