This one has been a long time coming. Please indulge while I share my issues with some of the people I call "friend" on Facebook. It would be much easier to just delete them but this day in age removing someone from your friends list is just as bad punching them in the junk, plus, it's not as fun if I can't make fun of them on my crappy little blog I don't share with anyone other then a bunch of strangers, right?
Here we go, feel free to add anyone I may have missed...
The "I'm So Lost in Life" FaceBooker
This person is a hot mess and doesn't care who knows. They're depression is so annoying at times you feel bad for almost wanting to say yeah, jump.
The "I love him, oh wait, I HATE him" FaceBooker
This person shares entirely way too much about their personal life especially when it comes to the areas of the heart. The make up and break up more than you change your under ware.
The "You Wanna Piece of Me?" Facebooker
This person likes to fight and although claims will "slapaho" in person but actually never does. They are always looking for reasons to feel "wronged" via status update, wall post, and comment. They like the word "haters."
The "Im So Cool and Indie and You're Not" FaceBooker
These hipsters posts links of indie group videos and Urban Outfitter fashions when they're not quoting someone who died 70 years ago. They would like you to think they have depth. Oh, and they also all have a passion for photography, the 40's-60's, vintage clothes, Phish, and artsy fartsy self portraits where they are facing the camera but looking elsewhere. They spend $60 on a white v-neck from American Apparel but will have you convinced it's vintage.
The "Da, Dat, Wat, Whut" FaceBooker
This person knows the English language but decides to massacre it daily with their ridiculous pronunciations and misspelling.
The "My Life is SO Perfect and My Kids Are The MOST Adorable Things EVER! You Agree Right?? Right??" FaceBooker
This person updates in extreme detail of their family adventures. They post pictures from every trip to the petting zoo and make sure everyone around them knows life is just peachy. Their husband is the best daddy ever and their kids just love each other so much but we all know if that was true they wouldn't try so hard to prove it to everyone else.
The "I'm Going to Post 10 Music Videos in One Hour" FaceBooker
This person is the reason you filter your News Feed. They either post electronic dance music that ALL sounds the same or they go from Texas Country to 90's West Coast rap in less than 6 minutes.
The "Gamer" Facebooker
This person sends Farmville requests daily and shamelessly ask people if anyone can water their farm or whatever via Status Update. These are people you cannot hang out with in real life.
The "Can You Read Through My Subliminal Messages?" FaceBooker
This person wants you to ask what they're talking about. They want you to be interested yet they don't want to show all of their cards thinking this makes them dark and mysterious.
The "Here Are 12 More Pouty Lip/Fish Face Photos of Me From Above Looking Down" FaceBooker
These are usually girls who love 6 pictures in a row of themselves in the same pose. They try to get all artsy on you through putting it through some crap Paint program so you can see the same freakin' picture in shades of blue, green and pink.
The "Quoter" FaceBooker
This person has nothing intelligent to offer so they just use someone else's words. In all actuality if they didn't master the art of "Copy/Paste" they would probably misspell a few of the words they're quoting.
The "Dear" Person
This person likes to write to inanimate objects via Status Update. "Dear Microwave, today was a very bad day to break.."
Who did I miss...?