1.29.2009

Ice Storm

There's nothin' like 86 degree weather one week...the joys of open toe pumps, no jackets, and long walks with the puppy...then...there's an ice storm. It wasn't so bad, we had an "ice day" and missed a day of work, but today it was back to business. It all started on Tuesday. They swore it would be the next ice age..then it was just rain. Darn you Pete Delkus.





But later that night there was ice. I spent the majority of the "ice day" being lazy, watching theTX Dot cams on the news for over 2 hours. You'd be surprised how entertaining it was to just sit, and watch cars slip and slide down the mix master in downtown Ft Worth, namely I-35 North. Cars would go 5 miles and hour and still freak out after a 6 degree slide to the left. I didn't quite understand why a few of them would refuse to move their car after that for another 45 minutes due to fear, especially since cars behind them were doubling in numbers by the minute. I can see how losing control of one's car can be scary, I nearly flipped over a truck because of black ice, but I was going 60 mph. There would be more of an impact with bumper cars than the cars out on the road that day..but I digress.




My first day back on the road today proved harmless. Despite the "frozen fog" it was a decent drive.





Overall there's a simplicity I love about these rainy, foggy, icy cold days. It seems like a little black ice, while dangerous, can give you the much needed excuse to go slow an enjoy the sounds of some Spektor or Dave while on the road. It's nice when the flashing lights flash to the beats of the music, and for the span of the song "Raindrops" or "Jimi Thing" you almost feel like you are in your own personal music video. It all seems to fall into place, your thoughts, your environment. There's something like a little precipitation, that puts things into perspective.

1.09.2009

Because after awhile, the glow wears off...



That's how I feel about the holidays and many a subject in my life. From experience I've learned everything is great and exciting at first...then give it some months, years, bumps, and detours and eventually what made you radiant makes you...back to square one. Not so much changed, altered, or improved because when it comes down to it, you are who you are. We let our situations and current environments lead us to believe that it is who we are. Ex: I am this happy person during Christmas, I am this smitten lover with him or her, I am a person who loves my job (when I'm doing it well) or I'm more evolved around this group or that. It's all situational. Change the situation and who are you? Are you the type to question everything in existence because of one situation? I am. I let one death, or two, completely alter my life in a way that isn't beneficial. I let the influence of one person make me think maybe my life isn't as pleasing to me as I originally thought. One broken cellphone call totally screw up my day. I'm tired of getting myself into unhealthy situations that change who I am. I'm tired of the glow...because when it wears off, it's just going to be me under there.




Christmas and New Years glimmered with hope, and all of the false promise of change and new beginnings is starting to wear. My year hasn't had the best start, but after a couple of weeks, I've decided on a resolution...I've decided to not let my situation form who I am...even when the glow wears off.

12.29.2008

AAAAGH!

I get myself into some messes sometimes.

12.28.2008

Buffalo Gap

So I have a new camera, yay. I decided to start going to therapy, until then I made time for my own personal therapy...here is a little of what I saw.







I love Texas.

12.12.2008

And I Thought That I'd Live Forever...

Ah. In about 29 minutes I'll officially be 29. Yep, at 7:05 a.m. I'll be one year close to 30.

Where did the time go?

It seems just like yesterday I was in college, living with 'Stina and Jennifer having way too much fun and getting in way too much trouble, I remember driving up to our cute little house in my roller skate of a car planning our next party or next night out. I remember my surprise 21st birthday...wow. But ironically had a bit more fun at 'Stinas...sorry about leaving you in the bathroom while we preceded to hit the bar without you! Fast forward a few years after that, graduation. I had some garbage I was working through that year - that totally made me look at love and life in a different way. I learned that love knew no boundaries sometimes, and that could be a very dangerous thing. Luckily for me, that garbage is several years behind me - but I'll always remember. The Strokes' first album always brings it back, but it's good now, it's all good.
Now I'm here. 29, teaching middle school art, trying to make a difference and keep my own life in order while trying to be an influence in theirs. Still married - no children - still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing here. Sometimes I think I know, but it changes, theme of my life.

Which brings me to my soundtrack. Someone once asked me, if someone made a movie about me, what would the soundtrack sound like? Well thus far, this is what I've included, in no particular order:

Lisa Loeb, Stay

Cake, Mexico

The Cranberries, Linger

Dashboard Confessional, Vindicated

Death Cab, I Will Follow You

Ghost Town DJs, My Boo (haha)

The Donnas, My Bad Reputation

Jars of Clay, Love Song For a Savior

Kelly Clarkson, The Trouble With Love Is

Meg & Dia, Masterpiece

New Found Glory, My Friends Over You

Tegan & Sara, The Con, and My Number

Kelis, Bossy (haha)

Alanis Morisette, Hand In My Pocket

Brooks & Dunn, Neon Moon

Destiny's Child, Bad Habit

Fleetwood Mac or Dixie Chicks, Landslide

Everclear, So Much For The Afterglow

Mana, Mariposa Traicionera

Frou Frou, Hear Me Out

Monica, Just One Of Those Days

Nelly Furtado, Maneater & Glow

Kiss, Rock & Roll All Night

Janis Joplin, Piece of My Heart

Julieta Venegas, Eres Para Mi






Did I mention it would be a double disk??

12.10.2008

Life was much simpler...when I blogged.

Believe it or not, it seems writing through the ish's that haunt my life actually help me process the thoughts and mild traumas that plague me through the weeks and months. It's not that I don't have the time, it's the fact that I don't make the time. Of course I always MAKE time when I'm going through something and that's okay, it's therapeutic for me and, yeah, this blog is for me.
I was on Facebook earlier and noticed a friend's status regarding her desire to be back in college again. She's not interesting in pursuing a masters by any means, but misses the college life. So I take myself back to college in my mind. What would I do different. I think a lot of people lie and say they wouldn't change a thing, that it "got me to where I am today." which I think is total rubbish. Who wouldn't want to change that night at that one party? Or not get mad at the friend over nothing? Or decide at the moment that guy was the owner of your heart and soul mate? The cool thing about college is that it was okay for you to change your mind, one could be fickle and it was borderline expected, especially out of me. But once in the "real world" ...grown up and "matured," questioning yourself, your life, your situation isn't acceptable because that automatically deems you flakey, irresponsible, immature. But can't a girl in her late 20's think "uh-oh, what did I do??" without feeling like a horrible person? Yes, I second guess myself a lot, and I wonder where I'll be and what I'll be doing in life in the next few years..but I can't let it get the best of me, even if the grass looks so much greener on the other side. My best bet? I have to take care of my hypothetical grass and make it just as green, if not greener than what I see around me. My "grass" is not horrible grass, I love my grass but my achilles heel is self-doubt, and good music...and this time both are entwined. So for now, I pray, I keep watering, nurturing and do what I can to keep this garden alive. As much as my thoughts haunt me - it's what I have to do.

8.02.2008

High School Reunion

Needless to say I was already stressed and now this! Luckily the staff at this Toyota staff is incredible!