Life was much simpler...when I blogged.

Believe it or not, it seems writing through the ish's that haunt my life actually help me process the thoughts and mild traumas that plague me through the weeks and months. It's not that I don't have the time, it's the fact that I don't make the time. Of course I always MAKE time when I'm going through something and that's okay, it's therapeutic for me and, yeah, this blog is for me.
I was on Facebook earlier and noticed a friend's status regarding her desire to be back in college again. She's not interesting in pursuing a masters by any means, but misses the college life. So I take myself back to college in my mind. What would I do different. I think a lot of people lie and say they wouldn't change a thing, that it "got me to where I am today." which I think is total rubbish. Who wouldn't want to change that night at that one party? Or not get mad at the friend over nothing? Or decide at the moment that guy was the owner of your heart and soul mate? The cool thing about college is that it was okay for you to change your mind, one could be fickle and it was borderline expected, especially out of me. But once in the "real world" ...grown up and "matured," questioning yourself, your life, your situation isn't acceptable because that automatically deems you flakey, irresponsible, immature. But can't a girl in her late 20's think "uh-oh, what did I do??" without feeling like a horrible person? Yes, I second guess myself a lot, and I wonder where I'll be and what I'll be doing in life in the next few years..but I can't let it get the best of me, even if the grass looks so much greener on the other side. My best bet? I have to take care of my hypothetical grass and make it just as green, if not greener than what I see around me. My "grass" is not horrible grass, I love my grass but my achilles heel is self-doubt, and good music...and this time both are entwined. So for now, I pray, I keep watering, nurturing and do what I can to keep this garden alive. As much as my thoughts haunt me - it's what I have to do.

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