Twins, not for the weak.

No, I'm not having an "oh CRAP!" moment, not at all. In fact, after waiting so long for mommy hood I made a pact with myself that my complaints would be few and far apart. I actually don't have complaints even about the lack of sleep or personal time to, say for instance, BLOG, but it has taken it's toll on me for different reasons. I totally became a hypocrite and started a "mommy blog," you can read it here, but will continue to write here as I feel necessary. My "mommy blog" will serve the purpose of allowing friends and family that actually have an investment or concern in my girls personally or have kids of their own an find an excessive amount of photos of another kid doing the same thing in four different bootleg photoshop vinettes interesting because if they tell you it's great you'll run to their mommy blog and return the favor, and of course those without children that for some reason enjoy following other peoples kids' progress via Blogger or Wordpress (do they exist?) This shall remain my private portal about all things I find interesting or worth complaining about, when the baby Gods allow time for me to do so...

Here's a list...

1) Twins are expensive. I never wanted to spoil my kids and now it seems like I don't have a choice. Between the insurance, food, diapers, lawyer fees, and nanny money is tight.

Hold up.

Wait a minute.

Yes, I said nanny. Not a live in nanny, just a glorified sitter who will watch my girls at my home while I work so I don't have to put together a diaper bag or load them in and out of my car four times a day.

It just dawned on me. I'm Mexican-American with a white nanny! What's this world coming to...

2) I often find myself irritated when I'm constantly asked or urged to stay at home. It's not that I don't see value in staying home with my girls 24 hours, really I do and I see why others do it but it's not for me and here's why...

I LOVED seeing my mother do it all. She worked full time, was and is a great wife and mother, went to all of our school things, kept the house clean, kept us fed with homemade meals daily and looked like a rockstar balancing it all. I want that image for my daughters. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom and I know it's hard work, harder than many jobs (believe me I know, I'm practically a babysitter for 200 middle schoolers) but I want my daughters to see the same way I can do it all, so can they. Plus, there aren't just a ton of people in m family with a college degree, I'm one of the first on both sides and I want to utilize that degree. My job will help me help students who don't have a role model at home like my girls will, it will help me provide for my daughters financially, and it will give me time for me even if it's in a classroom.

I'm annoyed with the topic constantly being brought up and although it can be tempting at times, right now I'm a working gal and I like it. Plus, financially it would be detrimental unless we had a third child but if we had a third child we would probably end up on Chips and stamps and honestly, I know those things are out there for those that need it but well I'm able bodied enough to work so I won't need it thankyouverymuch.

3) My parents were almost killed this week, no exaggeration. Shortly after I left their home with my girls in tow, their kitchen exploded from a sudden gas leak that threw them both back several feet. Dad has severe burns on his arms, hands, and face that are now blistered, red/black/pink/brown spots all over and still in pain. Mom on the other hand only lost a few inches of burnt hair but is suffering the most emotionally and mentally. The majority of the damage was done in the kitchen and parts of the living room so they're living in an extended stay hotel until they decide if they want to even return.

I hope they don't.

I'm sure they will.

4) I'm over Zumba. No I haven't tried it and don't have any intention to (which in saying that means I WILL do it because I tend to get all hypocrite on an issue and do the opposite of what I've said I would, you know, like a mommy blog and watching Avatar)

Seriously though, if I have to see one more commercial or Facebook status about Zumba I'm going to pull my toenails out with pliers go crazy. It's talked about like it's a religion and really it just looks like a bunch of dancing.

5) My mind is currently revolving around all things mommy so I'm going to make that #5. I fear if I write more it'll be all mommy crap and I have to expand outside of that on this blog or I'll totally lose myself in the process. It's going to be a delicate process, not just in blogging aspects which is the last of my concerns, but just holding on to who I am, mommy or not. I know a lot of women struggle with that and I struggled with it as a married woman alone, but now I mom of twins?

I know my time will be limited for "me" time, but I have to stick to it. I won't go to concerts all the time like before, but I'll hit a show here and there. I'll wear more comfortable shoes when carrying around two little kiddos, but my heals won't sit the bench either. Lastly I'll cut back from extra responsibilities but I will remain true to those that help me be the person I know will help me as a mother like being a friend, an artist, and, a blogger :)