Good Stuff

Song Beneath The Song
Maria Taylor (w/Conor Oberst - so you know it will be good)

Cryptic words meander
Now there is a song beneath the song
One day you'll learn
You'll soon discern its true meaning
An interesting detachment
A listless poem of love sincere
Desire, despair
Overlapping melodies

And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song

Oh now the roots are reminiscing
Recurring dreams of minor chords
Metred time
Muted chimes find the beat

And in the pulse there lies conviction
A steady push and pull routine
The cymbals swell
High notes flail into reach

And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song

It's not a love, it's not a love,
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song

Focus

Many times we look around and observe everything that surrounds us. I, for one, like to people watch. It's a nasty little habit actually. I can't go anywhere socially without a through once over of those around me. Sometimes I create a story in my head of what brought them there, where they've been, and how I can relate. It's easy to hear about the lives of others and respond merely as a spectator looking in. It's when we begin the journey of looking into ourselves that we begin to actually, learn and grow (not to mention sulk at the mess we've allowed ourselves to become). I want to look IN more. Discover everything there is to about me, good, bad, and ugly - and convince myself that I can become someone who is comfortable enough in her own shoes, to then be "onced over" myself. On the outside I have it together. I want to be able to give people a true representation of who I am and what I have to offer. I don't want to feel guilty because I'm not who they think. I want to be able to look in, and step out in confidence. Once we begin to focus on that inner self - everything, like in the picture, begins to become a blur. It is only that which is important, that should always stay in focus.

I fell like Rev Run all of a sudden.

This Time of Year Equals Festivals in Texas

No rhyme or reason for any of these really.

Sunbears • BLACK KIDS • Mates of State

I bought tickets for this show sometime in March and Monday couldn't have come quick enough for me. I've been into the Black Kids for sometime now and imagine my surprise when I found out they'd be at the Granada in Dallas.



Yay. So after losing my date, getting another, and repeat, I made it there. I was going to go alone if I had to. I have a few pics from the show not worth posting, (I was a little too involved in the performance) but you can see some great ones here. Highlight? New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" in the middle of "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You." and of course Hurricane Jane. OH! Not to mention getting to meet the lovely ladies of Black Kids as well as Reggie, sigh, the super cute lead.

Love and Marriage

Had a discussion last night about this subject. My friend feels like the idea of marriage is misleading. She says the vows don't prepare you for every bad thing that can occur in a marriage. I think they do, we just don't listen.
It just so happens I'm going through some wedding pics I took about a month ago. Ironic.

I put the FUN in Dysfunctional

I'm learning how to embrace my faults, inadequacies and occasional vice. I've learned to get over myself and stop being such a selfish jerk. I am devoting myself more to me but holding onto the fact there are other people in my life that I need to attend to - while not totally focusing on them and leaving me out to dry. I think I'm okay with the fact I totally contradicted myself in those last two sentences. I started buying tickets for some shows, indulging myself more into music and art. I've lined up some volunteer prospects at an Art Therapy house in the area, and look forward to the summer where re-grouping should be much easier. Starting tomorrow I'm going to start calling my dad more. Some one I truly care for lost his mother a couple of years ago and I couldn't imagine how that feels - especially since I detached myself from my dad in so many ways. Starting now I'm going to try and get more sleep. From now on I'll always take ALL of my antibiotics, even when I'm starting to feel better. I'm going to start being nicer to people that get on my nerves. I found out my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song is really about suicide and I think I'm okay with that too. I'm going to get more involved in this church I started going to. I'm going to buy a new rug since Jet ate a whole (or two) through it. I'm going to the doctor to see if I'm broken. If I'm broken, I'm okay with that. I'm so not going to care about what Cesar Milan says about making your dogs earn their affection. I'm going to start reading again. Hmm. I guess that's it for now. I'm off to attempt sleep again.

Run! Romo, Run!

After some ice, the warm weather kicked in for a few days and we took full advantage. Did I mention we have a new baby? Meet little Jason the Jet Terry, or as we call him, just "Jet".




Little Tony Romo...or just Romo...okay, so the name is really embarrassing right about now.





The brothers get along wonderfully.




Man, these little guys wear me out, but I love them.

Trees

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.
- Moliere





I figure this makes me feel better when I don't quite feel like the adult I should be.

Ice Storm

There's nothin' like 86 degree weather one week...the joys of open toe pumps, no jackets, and long walks with the puppy...then...there's an ice storm. It wasn't so bad, we had an "ice day" and missed a day of work, but today it was back to business. It all started on Tuesday. They swore it would be the next ice age..then it was just rain. Darn you Pete Delkus.





But later that night there was ice. I spent the majority of the "ice day" being lazy, watching theTX Dot cams on the news for over 2 hours. You'd be surprised how entertaining it was to just sit, and watch cars slip and slide down the mix master in downtown Ft Worth, namely I-35 North. Cars would go 5 miles and hour and still freak out after a 6 degree slide to the left. I didn't quite understand why a few of them would refuse to move their car after that for another 45 minutes due to fear, especially since cars behind them were doubling in numbers by the minute. I can see how losing control of one's car can be scary, I nearly flipped over a truck because of black ice, but I was going 60 mph. There would be more of an impact with bumper cars than the cars out on the road that day..but I digress.




My first day back on the road today proved harmless. Despite the "frozen fog" it was a decent drive.





Overall there's a simplicity I love about these rainy, foggy, icy cold days. It seems like a little black ice, while dangerous, can give you the much needed excuse to go slow an enjoy the sounds of some Spektor or Dave while on the road. It's nice when the flashing lights flash to the beats of the music, and for the span of the song "Raindrops" or "Jimi Thing" you almost feel like you are in your own personal music video. It all seems to fall into place, your thoughts, your environment. There's something like a little precipitation, that puts things into perspective.

Because after awhile, the glow wears off...

That's how I feel about the holidays and many a subject in my life. From experience I've learned everything is great and exciting at first...then give it some months, years, bumps, and detours and eventually what made you radiant makes you...back to square one. Not so much changed, altered, or improved because when it comes down to it, you are who you are. We let our situations and current environments lead us to believe that it is who we are. Ex: I am this happy person during Christmas, I am this smitten lover with him or her, I am a person who loves my job (when I'm doing it well) or I'm more evolved around this group or that. It's all situational. Change the situation and who are you? Are you the type to question everything in existence because of one situation? I am. I let one death, or two, completely alter my life in a way that isn't beneficial. I let the influence of one person make me think maybe my life isn't as pleasing to me as I originally thought. One broken cellphone call totally screw up my day. I'm tired of getting myself into unhealthy situations that change who I am. I'm tired of the glow...because when it wears off, it's just going to be me under there.




Christmas and New Years glimmered with hope, and all of the false promise of change and new beginnings is starting to wear. My year hasn't had the best start, but after a couple of weeks, I've decided on a resolution...I've decided to not let my situation form who I am...even when the glow wears off.