Rationality - Theory or Truth?

I should write a book. I should write a book about all of my adventures in love and life. I should write about my failures, successes, and my would'ves, could'ves, should'ves. I don't know who would read it and enjoy it. It would merely be a book of problems, but no solutions. I have no answers. Sure, many readers could relate, but what's a good book, without a resolution? I have no resolution.

My thoughts have been on the rational - rational thinking, rational doing, rational words... What would happen if I decided to act out irrationally?

Thanks Thursday night television. You did a number on me.

Hollywood makes it look so easy to act out irrationally and follow your heart. They sleep with their best friend's ex husband, they manipulate the ones they love to succeed - and they do it so easily. Drama after drama, yet they always bounce back, and they always have a friend, and some family that still support them.

Why doesn't it work like that in real life? Or does it? I don't know, when it comes down to decisions, I tend to think of what is right, opposed to what I want. I've learned what I want, is not always what I need. Or is it? Ha. I don't even know.

What happens if we don't play it safe? What happens if we put it all out there?

A friend of mine found out today that a co-worker totally threw her under the bus with a potential promotion. It was completely sneaky, manipulative, and out of the blue. This wasn't gossip or hear say. What this person did, well, this person did. It wasn't a slip of toungue. It was well thought out. Now my friend is reacting to it in a creative manner. She's being very passive agressive. Its all game play because this other girl will break under the pressure and guilt...but when does that rationailty come into play and keeps her from making that chick a bust on the wall? What would happen if she said, screw rationality, I'm taking this bull by the horn, I'm getting down and dirty and in her face. Now we know nothing good comes out of that, but sometimes is it okay, to just go crazy?

Is it too fine of a line to take those risks that no one else will ever understand? To go balls out and not care about what your boss says? Your mom? Your pastor? Your friends? Will you feel instant euphoria then plummet to your demise? Or will you just jump and land on a cloud where no one can bother, judge, or lecture you?

Blah. I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the middle. You feel the euphoria, fall, break some bones that take forever to heal, but end up with a few friends, a little family that stand by your side...if it was the right decision you'll recover and have peace of mind...if it's wrong you'll live a life of "what if...?"

The problem then is, what is right? What is wrong? And what really, is rational?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lykke Li

Some months ago I asked a musically savvy friend Hance, for any new album/artist suggestions. I love what I love, but tend to find what I love through suggestions from those that love music as much as I do (and, of course, a lot of suggestions from Indie Rock Cafe, Pandora, and Lastfm). I had already heard about Lykke Li but didn't pay much mind to it, but when he told me he was listening to her a lot, I felt compelled to give her a shot. Liked it a bit more then, gave it some time, and these past two days have been Lykke Li mania! A lot of people like to compare her with Lady Gaga, but don't go there....

Check her out - love this song...



Tonight

watch my back so i'll make sure
you're right behind me as before
yesterday the night before tomorrow

dry my eyes so you won't know
dry my eyes so i won't show
i know you're right behind me

and don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

you walk the surface of this town
the high heels above the ground
and high horses that we know
keep us safe until the night

you know them all, i know it all
stay put and play along
'cause i'm looking for my friend
now i got you, got you

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight


i dry my eye, dry my eye
falling deeper by the hour
dry my eye
dry my eye, dry my eye
don't let me fall deeper now
dry my eye...

yeah,
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

let me go, let me go
let me go, let me go

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

Tegan and Sara - Dallas @ The Palladium Ballroom

This past February I was able to catch a show of one of my all time favorite groups, Tegan and Sara. I can't begin to even describe how much I find myself relating to their music. They have a unique way of expressing what types of thoughts, emotions and doubts we as women feel at this game of love. It is so honest, so raw, yet so endearing. Here are a few shots from their show from my tiny little Nikon. I couldn't get the Canon into the venue so forgive the graininess.






Peep this video compliments of wojo4hitz at YouTube of my favorite song off of T&S's most recent album, Sainthood, The Ocean.





The Ocean

When you wake what is it that you think of most?
When your bed is empty do you really sleep alone?
If I imagine you, body next to another.

All around me new love and it makes me sad.
All around me feel assured that you'll be back,
If I imagine you, body next to another.

Stop crying to the ocean, stop crying over me.
Stop worrying over nothing, stop worrying over me.
So it's been so long since you said,
Well I know what I want and what I want's right here with you.

On the drive back here I was worrying over nothing.
On the drive back there tears spilling over something.
When I imagine you, body next to another.

In the door and you're there and you're sorry for the fright.
In the door, can I hear you saying you don't wanna fight?
When I imagine you, body next to another.

Stop crying to the ocean, stop crying over me.
Stop worrying over nothing, stop worrying over me.
So it's been so long since you said,
Well I know what I want and what I want's right here with you.
It's been so long since you said,
Well I know what I want and what I want's right here with you.

In a flash it's back to you, just brought attention to the mess.
In a flash you're on top begging me to understand.
If I imagine you, body next to another.

You drop in for a minute and I'm sorry that I didn't drop in sooner
just to see you and see what you've been doin'.
If I imagine you, body next to another.

So it's been so long since you said,
Well I know what I want and what I want's right here with you.
It's been so long since you said,
Well I know what I want and what I want's right here with you.

*I've updated my earlier post featuring Brand New and added the photos I took at their acoustic show!

Me -vs- Me

Me -vs- Me

Innovating -vs- Traditional

Freedom -vs- Commitment

Chaos -vs- Structure

Me -vs- Me

I could come up with many more of these "versus'" to describe my frame of mind from this weekend.

Let me explain.

Friday night I drove out to the Ft Worth Stockyards to catch a show of a good friend and his new band. He is somewhat of a newer friend, but I consider him a good one and looked forward to hearing their stuff.

I met two of his friends, a young couple from the area who I really hit it off with. After sitting there for a couple of hours I realized, I was having a lot of fun, despite the fact my only friend there was on stage and I was with strangers. Once we were all seated and talking I was taken back to college, not necessarily because these people were a bit younger, but because of the flow of conversation. It was...smart. There are very few people I can have smart conversation with. What do I mean by smart? It may not even be the correct term to use in this case but for me smart is, creative, witty, philosophical and entertaining.

When I was an art major in college working on a late night project with a few or many classmates we would have smart talk. It could be in the ceramics room or Mac lab but we always made time to talk. We would talk about ideas, creativity, music, art, ways of life, ways of thinking, ways of self expression...and it came so easily for us to be a fountain of ideas. Outside of the classroom, in a beat up house, we'd sit around, listen to Zepplin while someone strung a guitar and we would talk just about every facet of life. We created stories, brainstormed ideas for things that weren't even necessary or pratical. We could do what we wanted, whenever and however we chose. We looked different, acted different but creativity is what drove us. Some would call these groups hippies, or beatniks...but I would just say we were free thinkers.

Fast forward to today.

Today my conversations start off something like...:

How was work?

Where did you find that recipe again?

Did you go to the doctor afterall?

How are the kids?

I feel like a soccer mom minus the kids. I look on my desk calender and everything is so planned and expected, down to the last detail. Meetings, banquets, birthday parties, appointments you name it. The only thing creative about it are the multicolored Sharpies I use to label it. Even the concerts I'm attending are penciled in. Nothing happens on a whim. I grew up, and creativity is so often forced.

Sometimes I feel like a part of me died.

I am happy being a wife. I am happy being a responsible adult. I like the consistency and stability of it all. When it comes down to it, I do want the house, kids, white picket fence family and so on and it's something I want now (not later). But I feel like I'm meant to be doing something else in life, in addition to the traditional life. I haven't pinpointed it but I know it's there. So now my question is, how can I incorporate both? How can I have the stability and still gamble on pursuing a dream? And what is the dream?

I'm going to continue writing. I seem to learn more from my own written word, it's very fluid for me. Maybe soon I'll lead myself in the right direction. Maybe you have a suggestion? Perhaps I'm just not easily satisfed woman, but right now, I really just need an adventure.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Brand New - Jesus Christ @ Good Records

I was at this show in October at an awesome record shop in Dallas called Good Records. It was a bonus show limited to those that had bought Brand New's newest album, Daisy, at the record store. They gave out wristbands and the show was set for a few hours before their evening performance at the Palladium Ballroom in Dallas.

These are some pics I was lucky enough to shoot, again, on my little Nikon. I'm not quite good at hustling in a better camera at these shows...







Fast forward to today...

I check YouTube regularly for live music videos and came across this. I see the top of my head for like two seconds.

I love how Jesse Lacey shares his personal struggles in a way that is almost poetic, but not necessarily warm. I've been a fan of this group for some time, but over the past year and a half it's been a complete obsession of mine and find myself listening to them several times a week with out skipping an album, or song. It's that good.

Although this isn't my favorite (that would be Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't), this is an incredible song and right up there in the "songs that have potentially changed my life" category.

Enjoy.




*thank you UNT guy for recording this

Do You Have Time For Some Change?

Time changes so much.

Time changed me from a pretty selfish person working and hustling myself raw out in a field that wasn't for me to make a buck... to poster paints, teenage angst drama and adhering to a dress code that really makes me feel like a teacher. (shoot me if I ever own apple shaped earrings)

Time changed me from feeling like I had to fit a certain mold to me busting out of that mold and creating a fresher version of me that doesn't care if you think my shoes match my top.

Time changes a teen girl into a teen mother in blink of the eye...true story, breaks my heart.

Time isn't always kind, but time is always consistent.

Time changes, but changes can be good.

It's time for a change.

I started with my blog layout....baby steps.

Art

Here is an uber small portion of what we have done. My biggest regret? Letting the kids take their pieces home to work on so they could fold the paper and leave creases. Boo. Otherwise, fun year.

I'm Annoyed.

So now that I've comfortably settled myself back into the blogging world, I have a complaint.

Big surprise I know.

Here it is...are you ready?

Why is everyone and their dog a photographer these days?

I'm quite annoyed by this. I am not a photographer. I love photography, and have taken pictures for a few people/functions, but it is not my profession. I've taken one class in wet method photography, I have several photgrapher friends, but I am not a photographer. I love taking pictures. I love looking at pictures. For as long as my family or I can remember, I've always had a camera on me. I have boxes and boxes of photos I've taken through elementary school to college. I've always loved taking pictures, here's why...

Even as a very young person I was very aware one day my childhood would be over and it scared me to death. I would cry at night just imagining me as an adult. Whereas most kids wait for that day with much anticpation the idea of me being too old to sit on my mom's lap, or be taken care of when I'm sick was a dreadful thought. I knew it was inevitable. Just hearing a certain song, watching a particular episode of WKRP in Cinncinati takes me back to those moments; sitting in front of the tv with dad as mom cleaned and cleaned, fishing from sunrise to sunset, falling asleep under the pews at church, or hanging out with my cousins throwing rocks at a kid we called "Mr T" and running as fast as we could (mean I know...) I am very visual. I knew, even at a young age, if I took enough pictures, I could link those photos with memories. I knew I would not only have something to remind myself of the joys of youth, but would have something very valuable to share with my own kids one day. So I shot, and shot, and shot. Today I still shoot.

So why is it annoying for me to hear people claim their a photographer? The way I see it, taking an interest, and turning it into a fake career so you feel cool or trendy is ridiculous and insulting to people that have based many aspects of their personal lives around creating visual images. Taking a picture or a million does not make you a photographer as being in a garage makes you a car.

I get so tired of people creating facebook/myspace albums of their sucky photography. I'm tired of the tired blogs with the picture of the same flower in 50 different angles. I'm literally vomiting in my mouth at the thought of a million pictures people take of themselves in that typical above-your-head-looking down-at-an-angle-shot (the one where they are artistically looking away, making a pout, or twitching their slimy little lips to the side). Granted the majority of these are 15 year old girls but I've seen countless adults do the same. (For the record, let me say self portraits don't bother me, I even have a few, but there's something so cheesy and generic about the shots if you do any of the forementioned positions)

There are so many times I want to comment a photo or blog and say "YOU SUCK, STOPPIT, STOPPIT NOW!" but I don't because honestly, I don't have to look.

That's what I like about blogging. I can beat a simple topic with my words so severely I forget what my point was to start with but I don't have to validate a THING I said because, well, you don't have to read this.

Just be forewarned, it's a pet peeve of mine so don't be comin' 'round these parts calling yourself a photographer if you haven't been properly trained. If you can't tell me the definition of aperture, macro lens or agitation (for some of you old schoolers), then don't let the imaginary blog door hit ya on the way out...just sayin'.

And I'm out.

Weekend in Austin//Part Two

Weekend in Austin//Part One

Fun stuff.

Soccer game, arts festival, and historic sixth street perusing. Here is my blog via iPhone. I'm impressed more everyday with the capabilities with this phone. I will post additional photos from my little Canon XS later, until now enjoy this version brought to you by me, and Steve Jobs.








Caught a couple of shows at Antone's. The headliner was Sole Patrol I believe? They were a bit too gimmicky for me but were entertaining the first 5 minutes or so. My group of choice would be their opener T Bird and The Breaks, Loved their funk, soul style and witty lyrics. Full band complete with a couple of saxophones, trumpet and backup singers/dancers it definately was a show that had the group engaged and dancing. Their albums and singles will become a part of my spring/summer playlist for sure.









*Many of the vintage show posters were the original, hand drawn version. This one was done in black ink pen.












*bathroom literature, a favorite of mine

The man has been persuding me that Austin is the place for us - and I'm thinking he might be right.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone