AAAAGH!

I get myself into some messes sometimes.

Buffalo Gap

So I have a new camera, yay. I decided to start going to therapy, until then I made time for my own personal therapy...here is a little of what I saw.







I love Texas.

And I Thought That I'd Live Forever...

Ah. In about 29 minutes I'll officially be 29. Yep, at 7:05 a.m. I'll be one year close to 30.

Where did the time go?

It seems just like yesterday I was in college, living with 'Stina and Jennifer having way too much fun and getting in way too much trouble, I remember driving up to our cute little house in my roller skate of a car planning our next party or next night out. I remember my surprise 21st birthday...wow. But ironically had a bit more fun at 'Stinas...sorry about leaving you in the bathroom while we preceded to hit the bar without you! Fast forward a few years after that, graduation. I had some garbage I was working through that year - that totally made me look at love and life in a different way. I learned that love knew no boundaries sometimes, and that could be a very dangerous thing. Luckily for me, that garbage is several years behind me - but I'll always remember. The Strokes' first album always brings it back, but it's good now, it's all good.
Now I'm here. 29, teaching middle school art, trying to make a difference and keep my own life in order while trying to be an influence in theirs. Still married - no children - still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing here. Sometimes I think I know, but it changes, theme of my life.

Which brings me to my soundtrack. Someone once asked me, if someone made a movie about me, what would the soundtrack sound like? Well thus far, this is what I've included, in no particular order:

Lisa Loeb, Stay

Cake, Mexico

The Cranberries, Linger

Dashboard Confessional, Vindicated

Death Cab, I Will Follow You

Ghost Town DJs, My Boo (haha)

The Donnas, My Bad Reputation

Jars of Clay, Love Song For a Savior

Kelly Clarkson, The Trouble With Love Is

Meg & Dia, Masterpiece

New Found Glory, My Friends Over You

Tegan & Sara, The Con, and My Number

Kelis, Bossy (haha)

Alanis Morisette, Hand In My Pocket

Brooks & Dunn, Neon Moon

Destiny's Child, Bad Habit

Fleetwood Mac or Dixie Chicks, Landslide

Everclear, So Much For The Afterglow

Mana, Mariposa Traicionera

Frou Frou, Hear Me Out

Monica, Just One Of Those Days

Nelly Furtado, Maneater & Glow

Kiss, Rock & Roll All Night

Janis Joplin, Piece of My Heart

Julieta Venegas, Eres Para Mi






Did I mention it would be a double disk??

Life was much simpler...when I blogged.

Believe it or not, it seems writing through the ish's that haunt my life actually help me process the thoughts and mild traumas that plague me through the weeks and months. It's not that I don't have the time, it's the fact that I don't make the time. Of course I always MAKE time when I'm going through something and that's okay, it's therapeutic for me and, yeah, this blog is for me.
I was on Facebook earlier and noticed a friend's status regarding her desire to be back in college again. She's not interesting in pursuing a masters by any means, but misses the college life. So I take myself back to college in my mind. What would I do different. I think a lot of people lie and say they wouldn't change a thing, that it "got me to where I am today." which I think is total rubbish. Who wouldn't want to change that night at that one party? Or not get mad at the friend over nothing? Or decide at the moment that guy was the owner of your heart and soul mate? The cool thing about college is that it was okay for you to change your mind, one could be fickle and it was borderline expected, especially out of me. But once in the "real world" ...grown up and "matured," questioning yourself, your life, your situation isn't acceptable because that automatically deems you flakey, irresponsible, immature. But can't a girl in her late 20's think "uh-oh, what did I do??" without feeling like a horrible person? Yes, I second guess myself a lot, and I wonder where I'll be and what I'll be doing in life in the next few years..but I can't let it get the best of me, even if the grass looks so much greener on the other side. My best bet? I have to take care of my hypothetical grass and make it just as green, if not greener than what I see around me. My "grass" is not horrible grass, I love my grass but my achilles heel is self-doubt, and good music...and this time both are entwined. So for now, I pray, I keep watering, nurturing and do what I can to keep this garden alive. As much as my thoughts haunt me - it's what I have to do.